I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
