im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
