Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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