u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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