he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
