she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
