I have demons in me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
