Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Boobs are out for the taking
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's shark week go big or go home
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
