Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
