I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
