His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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