i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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