I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
