That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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