and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
