i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
