I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
