You're completely useless in the revolution.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
