Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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