You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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