So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
