checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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