Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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