Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
