she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
