yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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