I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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