if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
