I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
