All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
