so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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