His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
