anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
where are my eyebrows?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
