ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
