Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
