I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
