my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
