i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this will be a night to untag.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
