I cockslap morals
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
