i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
