I just pynch a tree in the face
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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