About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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