So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
