my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
