why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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