a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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