I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
