Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
