and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
