My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
