he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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