Please, let me fuck your mom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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