Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
