I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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