EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need water and some morals
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
