I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
