The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
