Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
