She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
