yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
