I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
