I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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