You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
