I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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