so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
vagina is talking i cant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
