i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
