i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
