I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
