You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
