Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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