just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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