is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're like the curious george of whores
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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